Haiku for today #97

The Church of England,
once the colonial boss,
is now a footnote.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

[Philosophy du jour - if you can't beat them, dismiss them. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. cf. Nigeria]

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for my children while thinking of my granddaughters

Jake is five years old and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look, Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!" Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!" and so it does ... "A f r i c a n Elephant." Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful? - Becky Day

Haiku for today #98

We are a broad church,
have been from the very start,
That's why we have fights.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

[Philosophy du jour - diversity breeds fighting - apparently some people can't compete w/o a fight. The martial arts of ecumenism.]

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Haiku for today #99

Anglicans all sing
"Build a new Jerusalem..."
The question is where?

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

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Haiku for today #100

It's good to see that
the House of Bishops knows to
honor July 4th.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

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Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States b.1809Feb12

Abraham Lincoln
His hand and pen
He will be good but
God knows when
- himself @ 16 or 17

Haiku for today #101

Schism seems like such
an outdated problem for
a modern-day church.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

[Schism is a tree flying away from its roots.

Is it still a tree?

Is it still alive?]

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Valentine's Day

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!

What would you get if you crossed Odie with the god of love?
A stupid cupid!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
Desperate!

What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!

What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"

Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

- gcfl

What NOT To Give Her For Valentines Day

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

2. Any food item with the words "diet," "light," or "high fiber" on the label.

3. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.

4. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.

5. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

6. A gift certificate.

7. Cash.

8. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.

9. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?" - Thomas Ellsworth q.gcfl

Haiku for today #102

Our tent is so big
that we can even make room
for lapsed governors.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

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Haiku for today #103

The Chruch of England's
Wilberforce freed the Empire's
slaves without a war.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

[of course it took him 5 decades to do it!]

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Haiku for today #106

We launch prayers like
darts -- for friends, enemies, peace,
Maybe some will stick.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

Haiku for today #107

It's easier to
pray for your enemies with
your eyes tightly shut.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

Haiku for today #108

You want to put your
treasure where your heart is. Where
have you put your heart

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

Haiku for today #109

We're evolved
Can't we discuss creation
intelligently?

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

Haiku for today #110 w/bonus

Those ashes on the
forehead are embarassing
You might look Christian.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

Jesus freaks!

- comment of that great humanitarian Ted Turner upon seeing same

Haiku for today #111

Peter denied Christ
three time. And you, do you tell
people you know him?

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)