Customer : Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist : Yes! I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
Customer : Thanks, I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife.
Receptionist : Interrupting, Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer : But I have always ordered "Spring Bouquets", done it for years, my wife likes them.
Receptionist: Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer : Well, how much are they?
Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
Customer: What's the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
Customer: FlowerAid?
Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.
Customer: Whoa! I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right .
Receptionist: It is not really a “Right in the Constitution,” but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a "Tax". Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
Customer: I don't believe this.
Receptionist: It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.
Customer: WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.
Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, I'll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I'm going to call my Congressman to find out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. That's why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir.
Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers. Have a nice day and God Bless America
