the natives are restless

Lutheran Theologians Respond to ELCA Task Force Documents

What can I do for you?

It had been a hard winter in the Appalachian area. The snow had piled up deeper and deeper, the mercury dropped, rivers froze, people suffered. The Red Cross used helicopters to fly in supplies. One crew had been working day after day -- long hours. They were on their way home late in the afternoon when they saw a little cabin submerged in the snow. There was a thin whisper of smoke coming from the chimney. The rescue team figured they were probably about out of food, fuel, perhaps medicine.

Because of the trees, they had to put the helicopter down a mile away. They put on heavy packs with emergency supplies, trudged through heavy snow, waist deep, reached the cabin exhausted, panting, perspiring. They pounded on the door. A thin, gaunt mountain woman opened the door and the lead man gasped, "We're from the Red Cross."

She was silent for a moment and then she said, "It's been a hard winter, Sonny, I just don't think we can give anything this year."

I don't think the story is true, but it certainly could be. I am convinced that there are two kinds of people -- givers and takers. And even in dire times, those who are givers are always thinking about "What can I do for you?" rather than "What can you do for me?" Statistically speaking, the group which gives the greatest percentage of their money to charity every year is the group of people with the lowest income.

There may be several different reasons for that, but truth of the matter is (and this is true among Christians as well), the more we have, the greater is our tendency to hold tight to it. What a great example the Macedonians are to us:

"...in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded in the riches of their liberality." (2Cor 8:2)

Did you notice that? The group of Christians that Paul held up as an example of generous giving to those in need were themselves in "deep poverty". Yet they gave so much that Paul was reluctant to receive the money, until they implored him "with much urgency" to take their gift.

I look at my own life and see that there are many times when I'm reluctant to give to others, not because it might affect providing for my needs, but because it might affect me having the things I want. Like everyone else, I'm tempted to look out for "number one" and I want to know what you can do for me. But, considering the example of Christ, Paul said:

"Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." (Phil 2:4)

"Father, please forgive me. Help me to develop a heart of selflessness and love for others that constantly seeks to find ways to bless those around me. In Jesus' name, amen."

no comment

A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in "The Villages," a Florida adult community. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?" He replies, "I lived here years ago."

"So, where were you all these years?"

"In prison," he says. "Why did they put you in prison?" He looks at her and very quietly says, "I killed my wife."

"Oh!" says the woman. "So you're single?" - Michael B. Wright (Tampa)

place in history

Do you realize President Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where President Clinton got his package stimulated? -
Lee Bradley brad8688@BELLSOUTH.NET uga2009Mar17

Fellow walked into the bedroom to find his wife rolling in the hay with another man. "What in the name of heaven is going on? Who is this man?" His wife thought for a moment, then said, "That's a fair question." She turned to the other man and asked, "What's your name?" -
PhilGlowatz@NYC.RR.COM uga2009Mar17

I love you - reworded

Little Johnny is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mom calls your Dad, Johnny." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not that stupid Miss, I know that is not a Jackass!" -
Maurizio Mariotti mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA uga2009Mar17

food warning

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you! - Tommy Smothers q.Marianne uga2009Mar17

whose counting

A woman was driving down the street with twelve children in her station wagon when she zipped right through a stop sign. A nearby policeman chased her, put on his flashers, and pulled her over. When he went up to her window, he asked, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" "Two of them ain't mine," she replied, pointing back over her shoulder.

The Older Crowd

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Natasha Jones q.gcfl

for Kat and the whole Z family

One morning, three Cajuns and three Yankees were in a ticket line at a train station. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Cajuns bought just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees. "Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from Louisiana. All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Cajuns crammed into a restroom together and closed the door. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, it was so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched while to their astonishment, the three Cajuns didn't buy even one ticket. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees. "Watch and learn," answered the three Cajun boys in unison. When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into one restroom and the three Cajuns crammed into another one just down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Cajuns left their restroom and walked over to the one in which the Yankees were hiding. The Cajun knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please." There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won that war. - DL Wyche

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000 + ; Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife . You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

-from a woman!

for tweeter and teachers everywhere

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

Human beings are the only animals that stutter,

she says. A little girl raises her hand.

I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. She began

Well, I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

That must've been scary,

said the teacher.

It sure was,

said the little girl.

My kitty raised her back, went

Sssss, Sssss, Sssss

and before she could say

Shit,

the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room. - q.Judy e.pup

Scams

Jan24, Pittsburgh Tribune Review – (National) National phishing scam targets Sprint cell customers. Pittsburgh police investigators warned cell phone customers on January 23 about a text-messaging scam that they say is reaching “epidemic” proportions nationwide. People are receiving text messages as part of a phishing scam, in which victims are asked for their bank account numbers and PINs, said a detective of the Computer Crimes Unit. The scam affects Sprint cell-phone customers and involves dozens of banks, police said. The scam has affected customers in dozens of states, including New York, Michigan, Missouri, and Texas, police said. Source: http://hdvoice.tmcnet.com/news/2009/01/24/3937014.htm

Jan23, Idaho Press Tribune – (Idaho; Oregon) Idaho attorney general warns of text message scam. The Idaho attorney general warned consumers not to respond to text messages claiming to be from Bank of the Cascades. Idaho consumers have been contacting the attorney general’s consumer protection division to report suspicious text messages, purporting to be from Bank of the Cascades. But Bank of the Cascades is not sending the messages. “Bank of the Cascades does not contact customers by text messaging,” the bank president said. “The criminals involved in this activity are sending messages to random cell phone numbers. They do not know who is a customer of the bank and who is not. None of the bank’s security systems have been breached and, as long as the consumer has not responded, there is no danger to their account.” The text messages ask customers, as part of a “protection program,” to call a telephone number “to verify your account info.” Consumers who call the telephone number reach a recorded message that asks them to enter their credit card number. The bank’s security division believes this scam is coming from outside the United States. A scam text message purporting to be from Bank of the Cascades also popped up on cell phones across the Rogue Valley in Oregon. Source: http://www.idahopress.com/news/?id=19072

Jan27, Cape Cod Times – (Massachusetts) Falmouth police warn of credit card scam. Police are warning area residents of a telephone credit card scam that has been reported to them. The scam starts with a recorded message from a caller identified as the Service Credit Union, according to a press release from the Falmouth police. The message tells the call’s recipient that their credit card is suspended because of “third- party activity” and then asks them to enter a credit card number by using the phone’s keypad, according to the press release. The Service Credit Union has told the Falmouth police that they are not looking for this information, police said. Residents should not give out personal information, including credit card information, the police said.

Jan26, Yakima Herald-Republic – (Washington) Text message scams target Yakima Valley Credit Union customers. Tens of thousands of people nationwide have received suspicious text messages asking for individuals’ banking information. The most recent incident involves the Yakima Valley Credit Union. The messages state that the recipient’s bank account has been closed due to unusual activity, and asks the individual to call a phone number with bank information. The Yakima Valley Credit Union has been busy fielding calls from concerned customers. The Chief Executive Officer (CEO) and president fielded calls from across the state. The credit union has reported the scam to several agencies including the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the local police, and the National Credit Union Administration and posted an alert on its Web site to remind customers that the credit union will never contact customers for sensitive information. The CEO said most people have not fallen for the scam, but for the few people who have, the credit union has managed to intervene and prevent any money from being stolen from them.

Jan28, Seacoastonline.com – (New Hampshire) Service Credit Union advises members to avoid phone scam. Service Credit Union is warning that telephone scammers are attempting to obtain personal information from ATM/Visa Check cardholders. Area residents, members and nonmembers, are receiving computer-generated calls claiming to be from Service Credit Union. The call claims account information was breached and directs the cardholder to press 1 to give his or her debit card information to reactivate any cards. Personal information requested includes account number, card expiration date and personal identification number. Service Credit Union does not solicit personal information over the phone, and if residents receive questionable calls, they should not provide any personal information, said the chief executive of Service Credit Union. If residents receive a suspicious call, they should notify Service Credit Union by e-mail and call the local authorities.

Jan30, Infozine – (National) Phishing scam targeting Missourians with bogus ‘card services’ calls. Consumers have contacted the Missouri attorney general’s office saying a caller claims to be from a company called Card Services, asking them to enter their credit card number to see if they qualify for a better rate. This is simply an attempt by thieves to steal credit card numbers. In the phone call, consumers are led to believe they are being contacted by their credit card company and they are asked to dial a number, usually 9, if they are interested in trying to get a lower interest rate. The attorney general says in phishing scams like this, with thieves fishing for personal information, the crooks can steal credit card numbers, use them in a matter of minutes through online purchases and run up big charges that appear later on the consumer’s credit card statement.

Feb1, Des Moines Register – (Iowa) Police warn U.S. Cellular customers of text message fraud. Police in Cedar Rapids, Des Moines and West Des Moines have received several reports this morning of fraudulent text messages being sent to U.S. Cellular customers from a company identifying itself as MetaBank. Police are advising anyone who has received these messages not to call the 1-800 number listed or give out any personal information. According to Cedar Rapids police, the text messages tell customers there has been a security breach on their account and to call a toll-free number that asks for a credit card number and personal information. U.S. Cellular is advising customers to instead call 6-1-1, the U.S. Cellular customer service line, and information will be passed on to the company’s fraud department.

Feb2, Idaho Business Review – (Idaho) Bank card ‘phishing’ scams with new twists target Idahoans. Criminals trying to obtain credit and debit card numbers have expanded their attack on Idaho consumers, the Idaho attorney general warned today. Idaho First Bank in McCall has informed the attorney general’s office that numerous people have contacted the bank to report suspicious e-mails, text messages and cell phone calls. Idaho First Bank is not sending these messages. The fraudulent messages are designed to appear that they came from the bank and ask recipients to provide their credit or debit card number. The cell phone calls play a recording that asks the recipient to immediately enter their card account number through the cell phone. Last week, the Idaho attorney general warned consumers not to respond to fraudulent text messages that looked like they came from Bank of the Cascades. There have also been recent news reports of similar messages fraudulently claiming to be from a credit union in Yakima, Washington. Source: http://www.idahobusiness.net/archive.htm/2009/02/02/Bank-card-phishing-scams-with-new-twists-target-Idahoans

Feb2, Pacific Business News – (Hawaii) Hawaii bankers warn of phone scam. Credit and debit cardholders in Hawaii are targets of a new phone “phishing” scam, said the Hawaii Bankers Association. In the scam, an automated recorded message identifying the caller as representing a local bank asks for the person’s credit or debit card number and PIN number. “No legitimate financial institution will ever solicit its customers for personal account information over the phone or online,” said the association in a statement. Anyone who has responded to questionable phone calls or e-mails are asked to contact their bank’s customer-service department.

Feb4, Tuscan Citizen – (Arizona) New phishing scam seeks cell users’ credit union data. A phishing cell phone scam, where people are getting text messages telling them there is a problem with their credit union account, has hit Tucson. The text messenger asks for personal information to be e-mailed or called in. The scammer says there are problems with accounts at “Piramid Credit Union,” which is different from the legitimate Pyramid Credit Union in Tucson, said the acting president of the Tucson Better Business Bureau. Another phony text message says it is from the legitimate Vantage West Credit Union. The telephone number has been traced to Michigan and the e-mail address has been traced to Germany, she said. The scammers are texting numerous people in the hope of getting some who are Vantage or Pyramid customers, she said.