Haiku for today #91

In the fall the leaves
near our small church in Vermont
are colors of God.

- Sarah Goodyear & Ed Weissman Epsicopal Haiku The church, its ways, and its people, seventeen syllables at a time (Seabury Books NYNY 2007)

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Sic - she did what?

Surprise!!!! Jessica Simpson after lingerie party at night and Tony Romo have a sushi lunch the day after at Katsuya May 16, 2008.

AOL.com photo caption

for residents of the SE USA

Don't stay in the shower for 20 minutes. Just clean up, get out and keep singing. - District spokesman Charles Hardy q.San Francisco Chronicle about the water restrictions imposed by EBMUD (East Bay Municipal Utility District) for residents in Alameda and Contra Costa Counties q.Penny Pennington {it made me laugh (my area is under voluntary cutbacks -- no restrictions [yet]) }

for my children and their spouses

Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be deemed incomplete, and rejected, unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH___________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #______________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE__________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: __________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ___________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

__________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________________________

noted for Wayne

3 notes walk into a bar, a C, a G and an E flat. Bartender stares at them cooly and says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E flat leaves and bartender says "That's better. Now, what will you have?" The C points at the G and says "We'll have a fifth between us." - - someone from the Edmonton Symphony q.Emko Witteveen uga2008May21

talented doctor

In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my friend, a gynecologist, struck up a casual conversation. After noticing the label on her sandals read, "Hecho en Mexico," he asked his patient, "So when were you in Mexico?" Flabbergasted, the patient asked, "Ohmygod! You can tell that from a Pelvic exam?!"

and the 2007 results are in

The Social Security Administration has released the list 10 most popular male and 10 most popular female names for babies.

In the male list are my father, my brother, two nephews, my godfather/uncle.

In the female list are two aunts, two granddaughters. For Kat there is her mother, one daughter, one granddaughter.

Mothers as blessings

A first grade teacher seated her students in a circle. She asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. One by one, each child got up and announced, "I'd like to be a nurse like my mother," or "I want to be a banker like my father," or "I want to be a teacher like you, Miss Smith."

The last child to speak was the most shy and timid little boy in the class. He said, "When I get big, I'm going to be a lion tamer in the circus. I'm going to face those animals with my whip and chair and make them leap through hoops of fire and obey all of my commands." Seeing the disbelieving looks on the faces of his classmates that he could ever act so boldly or bravely, he was quick to reassure them, "Well, of course, I'll have my mother with me."

Many of us have had the self-confidence to accomplish great tasks because we knew that our mothers would be there to support us. In a couple of days, we will have a special opportunity to honor mothers. I think this is a valuable holiday because, if you are a mother, you will likely never much special recognition for the work that you do â€" training your children to love God, teaching them compassion, instilling self-confidence within them, developing character and teaching morals. You will perhaps never be honored publicly, given a medal (or even a certificate), or be compensated monetarily. All that you do may go unnoticed and unappreciated at times.

Be assured, though, that there is great value in what you are doing. On Mother's Day, may you receive the honor due you.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her." (Prov 31:28)

And be assured that someday you will receive the honor from your heavenly Father for the difference you make in the world.

Grandmothers

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren. Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her. "Tell me, how old are your grandsons?" The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..." - Thomas Ellsworth

Mother and the cat

We had this great 10-year-old cat named Jack who just recently died.

Jack was a great cat, and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom.

We have three kids, and at the time of this story, they were 4 years old, 3 years old, and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loved Chapstick. LOVED it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then would lose it. Finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my Chapstick and explained he could use it whenever he wanted to, but he needed to put it right back in the drawer after he finished.

That year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys were fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I was trying to nurse my little one at the same time I was putting on my make-up. Everything was a mess, and everyone had long forgotten that this was a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally had the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I was looking for Eli. I searched everywhere and I finally went into the bathroom. There was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's ... rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said, "Chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right -- their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. The only question to ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth!?!

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt. - Pastor Tim

How not to be a mother

A single friend of mine probably won't make a great mother. She was visiting with a friend and her friend's baby when the friend had to use the restroom. Being left to watch the infant for a bit, the single friend asked, "What'll I do if he cries?"

"Feed him some vegetables," the mother called back. It turns out that jalapeno isn't the baby's favorite. - Thomas Ellsworth

bless the mothers in my life

At one time there was only Vera. Now may her soul rest in peace.

Then came Teresa, but as a child, not a mother.

Then I was blessed with grandchildren from Jen and Brandy and then Teresa became a mother and now Kat.

May God bless you and keep you all the days of your life.

Practicing the Golden Rule (for my children and grandchildren)

PRACTICING THE GOLDEN RULE

I read recently about one of the most touching moments in sports I've ever heard about. It took place at a women's softball game on April 26. Central Washington and Western Oregon faced off against each other, with the winner to receive a bid to the NCAA's Division II playoffs.

Sara Tucholsky, a Western Oregon player, came to the plate in the second inning with the score tied 0-0 and two runners on base . Sara had never hit a home run in her lifetime. However, things were about to change. She connected on a pitch and hit the ball over the center field fence. Due to her excitement, she missed first base. So she stopped and turned to go back to the base. But when she made the sudden stop and turn, she collapsed to the ground, having torn her ACL.

Her first base coach wanted to run out and help her, but if she touched Sara, she would have been counted out. As Sara lay on the ground, umpires conferred and determined that the best thing to do was to allow Western Oregon to substitute a pinch runner at first base (which would have canceled the home run).

The coach prepared to make the substitution when she heard a voice:

Excuse me, would it be OK if we carried her around and she touched each bag?'

You see, in softball, a teammate can't touch a player while running the bases, but there's no rule that says the opponents can't touch her. So Mallory Holtman and Liz Wallace, two players on the opposing team offered to carry Sara around the bases so that her home run would not be counted as a single. These two players gently picked up Sara, and carried her around the bases, allowing her to tap each base along the way. After reaching home plate, these two girls handed Sara off to her own teammates.

When asked later why she did it, Mallory Holtman said,

Honestly, it's one of those things that I hope anyone would do it for me...

In other words, she was practicing the "Golden Rule"

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

There's not much I can add to a touching story like that. May it serve as an inspiration to find ways in your own life to look for people who could use a hand. When we are less concerned about "winning" than we are about helping others, we can truly begin to reflect Jesus Christ in our lives.

Therefore, whatever you want men to do for you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Mt 7:12)

- Alan Smith
Helen Street Church of Christ
Fayetteville NC

an adventure

From ATL to SYR Delta Connection has four flights, 2 70 seaters and two 50 seaters. On Thursday, only a few standbys got on the first two flights. I was talking w/a few people. I told them Kat had said that the flight to Rochester was open, front and back.

Some of the people moved over. Many if not all of us got 1st class.

The real story is that I rented a car to get to Ft Drum. I took two other people with me, one to Syracuse. The other, believe it or not, also had a granddaughter making her First Communion on post.

He lives at Hilton Head, used to live in Syracuse and still has a house there. He was going to a fraternity dinner dance.

She lives in Frankfort KY.

It was a big class for such a small church - 25.

The Mass took 2 hrs. Besides the FC, there was the crowning of the Mary statue, each child came up and took a flower and placed it at the foot of the statue. They then got a present (prayerbook?) from the pastor and a certificate from the chief volunteer.

Then the call was made for those deploying -- three men plus the second priest. They each received a religious "goodie bag". The scapular was taken from the bag, placed around their neck, and each was blessed with a laying on of hands.

Then about 1 hour of pictures and then cake and pop. We skipped the latter.

Libby and Chloe

It was Elizabeth's First Communion this evening. So we went to Red Lobster.

What did they order? Mac & cheese. Children!

So I told the children that the order took so long was that they were out picking the macaroni off the macaroni bushes. Chloe said

We get macaroni from God!

Well duh!